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"Pre-nuptial
Agreement"
After
43 years of marriage, Rosalie and I decided to write our pre-nuptial agreement as we
would have written it at the beginning of our marriage, knowing what we
know now.
What
Each Brings Into The Marriage:
SHE: A strong will and a serious commitment to following established
rules.
HE: A desire to walk on the edge and push the limits.
SHE: A
long and distinguished family pedigree with a wall full of coats-of-arms
to prove it.
HE: No family pedigree, and one coat-of-arms
bought at a garage sale.
SHE- A
deep passion for work; a passion for justice; a passion for truth.
HE: Lots of passion.
HE:
Comes from a family of lovers.
SHE: Comes from a family of bachelors and old maids. (You figure it out.)
Promises:
--She promises to contribute integrity, grace, fairness, genuineness,
honor, acceptance, a sense of humor, and charm.
--He promises to contribute up to $5.00 when the plate is passed.
--He
says: 'I will be a one-woman man, I will work hard, and meet every need
you have."
--She says, 'You, and who else?"'
--He
promises not put his left elbow on the table.
--She promises to always tell him that he has his elbow on the table.
--She
promises not to snore in his ear.
--He promises to make a wet 'X' on her face with his tongue to stop her
from snoring.
--She
promises to reduce the number and length of sleep apneas by 10% a year.
--He promises to awaken her when she forgets.
--Each
promises not to talk about relatives on an empty stomach.
--Each
promises to check to see if both will be on full
duty when the grandchildren come.
--They
promise each other that when the grandchildren come, each will stay alive
until after they leave.
Agreements:
--He says. "I want lots of children."
--She
says, "I do too. I will have one; you have one; I'll have one; you
have one..."
--He
says, "I do not want my mate to work."
--She
says. "I sure want mine to work."
--Each
agrees that they will not use credit cards, that they will have a joint
bank account, and that it will always be full of money.
--Both
agree to go to church.
--Both
agree to agree on all major decisions before they are final;
not to make any body noises in each other's presence;
not to click the fork on the front teeth of either mate;
not to argue in from of, or behind the children,
not to listen to, repeat, or enjoy dirty jokes too much,
--Each
agrees to never, unless they have to:
eat in bed,
read in bed,
watch T.V. in bed,
or sleep in bed.
--Both
agree:
not to
call anyone on the phone before 9:00 A.M.;
not to answer the phone while having a meal;
not to buy anything over the phone;
not to use the phone without flushing it!
--Year I; She will do the cooking/he will do the eating. He will mess
up/she will clean up.
--Year
2; He will do the cooking/she will watch him clean up, and clean up, and
clean up.
--Year
5: They will hire someone to clean up and they will go out to eat.
--Year
10: And three children later. (They cannot afford to hire someone or to
go out to eat.)
Hopes:
--They hope that they will both feel amorous at exactly the same time at
least once before they actually die.
Health
Care:
--Each promises to maintain good health so they will not make each other
sick.
--No
teeth will pulled without the owner's consent.
--Neither
will have their gallbladder removed more than once.
--Any
profits made on health care insurance will anure
to the one who was sick.
--Any
death benefits will anure only to the survivor.
--All
other monies will be divided equally between the couple and the
government
--In
case of eventual death, both agree that neither shall have their body
exhumed without the written consent of the exhumee.
Things
Not Covered in this Agreement:
All things, herein after which, and forthright, deemed necessary and essential,
but not restricted by default or through any affidavit, judged by a jury
of our peers according to the codicil, herein, as after which set forth
by our hand.
on this third day of January, in the year of our
Lord, 1998.
Committed
to each other for the duration--or longer if necessary!
Unofficially
attested to by our own hands * Rosalie and Danny
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